-pb
Whackyjob:
You nor anyone on this forum can prove that homosexuality actually exists.
Me::
Homosexuality:
1 the quality or state of being homosexual
2 erotic activity with another of the same sex
Homosexual:
1 of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex
2 of, relating to, or involving sexual intercourse between persons of the same sex
If you think that none of the above exists, then you don't come from our reality, and you might be getting a bad connection that's routing you to our time-space continuum where such things and states actually do exist. You might want to call your internet service provider. It might be solar flares, or you might need to check your TCP/IP setting (or whatever it is you have in your reality).
-pb
Let There Be Retards
-pb
Pretty much, yeah.
Vote 'em if you got 'em.
-pb
I think you can guess the tune to the little ditty I just wrote:
Church bells ring from the schoolhouse,
minds are quiet as a doormouse.
The books have been burned,
rebellion unlearned,
conformity in a Fundie Wonderland.
Gone away is their free will,
come and swallow your control pill.
It's Jesus all day,
attention you'll pay,
or it's prison in a Fundie Wonderland.
In an alley we're stopped by a policeman
and his puppet master Parson Brown.
He says "are ya married,"
we say "Yes, man!"
and then we beat a path out of that town.
Later on, there's a pyre
where fornicaters die in a fire.
They're burned at the stake
for daring to partake
earthly pleasures in a Fundie Wonderland.
In the halls of Congress Jerry Falwell
shreds the Constitution as he please.
They're rounding up the Pagans and the Muslims
and some Catholics just for a tease.
Move along, get back to work now,
your state and god are as one now.
Repressing your id,
you're having that kid,
it's burkas in a Fundie Wonderland!
-pb
Church bells ring from the schoolhouse,
minds are quiet as a doormouse.
The books have been burned,
rebellion unlearned,
conformity in a Fundie Wonderland.
Gone away is their free will,
come and swallow your control pill.
It's Jesus all day,
attention you'll pay,
or it's prison in a Fundie Wonderland.
In an alley we're stopped by a policeman
and his puppet master Parson Brown.
He says "are ya married,"
we say "Yes, man!"
and then we beat a path out of that town.
Later on, there's a pyre
where fornicaters die in a fire.
They're burned at the stake
for daring to partake
earthly pleasures in a Fundie Wonderland.
In the halls of Congress Jerry Falwell
shreds the Constitution as he please.
They're rounding up the Pagans and the Muslims
and some Catholics just for a tease.
Move along, get back to work now,
your state and god are as one now.
Repressing your id,
you're having that kid,
it's burkas in a Fundie Wonderland!
-pb
Heroic Man Rushes Into Movie Theater, Saves 4 Seats
-pb
KING OF PRUSSIA, PA—In what eyewitnesses are calling a "selfless display of true courage," moviegoer Michael N. Kincaid, 39, rushed headlong into an empty cineplex Monday to save four seats for the 7:35 p.m. showing of Live Free or Die Hard.Surely, a giant among men!
-pb
From The Onion:
-pb
Bono Outbids Everyone At Charity Auction For Bono-Autographed GuitarCan't wait until the media picks this up and runs with it =P
LOS ANGELES—During a Keep A Child Alive charity auction last Friday, U2 frontman Bono paid $575,000 for a guitar signed by the Irish recording artist, outbidding his nearest competitor by nearly $500,000.
"Not only does this allow me to donate to a cause in which I very deeply believe, but I now own a unique and valuable piece of rock and roll history," said the singer, who also placed the winning bid on a "once-in-a-lifetime" lunch with Bono at $1 million.
Bono reportedly listed the autographed guitar on eBay the next day to raise money for Amnesty International, and within 20 minutes, had placed the highest bid at $750,000.
-pb
Don't cha wish your girlfriend smoked crack like me?
then she wouldn't have any teeth like me!
Don't cha...
Don't cha...
-pb
then she wouldn't have any teeth like me!
Don't cha...
Don't cha...
-pb
Red states are falling all over themselves in a bum-rush to make sure they've claimed every woman's uterus in a sick version of Eminent Domain before ScAlito and Pals overturn Roe v Wade. Next up? Mississippi.
-pb
Great to see the South Dakota legislature seeking to tackle issues of settled law! Perhaps next they'll vote to bring back slavery and strip women of their voting rights, just like the founding fathers envisioned!
Of course, it's easy to be flip about this, but in reality, this scares me shitless. Of course, if this bill is signed into law by the governor, it would immediately be challenged. It would go to the SCOTUS, and we would know very quickly just how bad an idea failing to filibuster Alito was.
This could spell the end of Roe v Wade. That's not a good idea.
-pb
http://www.fuckchristmas.org/
"But these bastards are all 'But they call them Holiday trees!' Here’s a clue: no, they fucking don’t. Ok, maybe in a couple places, like on FOXNews.com and at the White House, but if Christmas is under attack, I’m Kris fucking Kringle."
It's long, there's more F-Bombs than an Andrew Dice Clay act, but it's right on and wildly hilarious.
-pb
"But these bastards are all 'But they call them Holiday trees!' Here’s a clue: no, they fucking don’t. Ok, maybe in a couple places, like on FOXNews.com and at the White House, but if Christmas is under attack, I’m Kris fucking Kringle."
It's long, there's more F-Bombs than an Andrew Dice Clay act, but it's right on and wildly hilarious.
-pb
WASHINGTON, DC - President Bush vowed today to find and deal with the staffer who leaked to him the identity of Andy Card as the person who had drawn his name in the West Wing Secret Santa Polyanna.
"My personal opinion is, it was a shamefulific act for someone to discloseify this very important information in this time of celebratoriation. That fact that we're discussing the identity of who's got me in the Secret Santy is just disgraceless. The leaker didn't even bother to tell me what Andy is getting for me. I'm hoping for a new bike. I think the old one has a blown tire or something. Something about a bent rim job or something, I think my [Secret Service Agent] said. I don't remember. I just know that I needs a new one so I can ride out to trim that brush."
The President vowed that he would "take appropriate measures" if the identity of the leaker is discovered, but refused further comment on the ongoing investigation. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales gave a brief statement, saying that the Justice Department had a few people "under surveillance", and when pressed for names, simply tossed a Seattle Metro phonebook onto the floor.
-pb
"My personal opinion is, it was a shamefulific act for someone to discloseify this very important information in this time of celebratoriation. That fact that we're discussing the identity of who's got me in the Secret Santy is just disgraceless. The leaker didn't even bother to tell me what Andy is getting for me. I'm hoping for a new bike. I think the old one has a blown tire or something. Something about a bent rim job or something, I think my [Secret Service Agent] said. I don't remember. I just know that I needs a new one so I can ride out to trim that brush."
The President vowed that he would "take appropriate measures" if the identity of the leaker is discovered, but refused further comment on the ongoing investigation. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales gave a brief statement, saying that the Justice Department had a few people "under surveillance", and when pressed for names, simply tossed a Seattle Metro phonebook onto the floor.
-pb
Bush: Vacation Ruined By 'Stupid Dead Soldier'
The Onion does it again, trying to be satirical, failing, and reporting real news instead.
-js?!
The Onion does it again, trying to be satirical, failing, and reporting real news instead.
-js?!
Overstatement of the day:
"This is our tsunami,"
~Biloxi Mayor A.J. Holloway on Hurricane Katrina, referring to the December 26, 2004, tsunami that killed more than 226,000 people in the Indian Ocean region.
Yeah. Ok. Right.
But, you know, other than that, EXACTLY ALIKE.
-js?!
"This is our tsunami,"
~Biloxi Mayor A.J. Holloway on Hurricane Katrina, referring to the December 26, 2004, tsunami that killed more than 226,000 people in the Indian Ocean region.
Yeah. Ok. Right.
| Hurricane Katrina | Tsunami | |
| Type | Already massive hurricane completely juiced up by global warming | Rare, but naturally occuring phenomenon due to geological activity |
| Dead | 68 | 226,000 |
| Warning time | Days | Seconds |
| Area affected | New Orleans and Biloxi | Entire fucking Indian Ocean |
| Dead | 68 people who weren't smart enough to LEAVE THE FUCKING AREA | 226,000 people who's last words were "that's big swell coming in, don't you think?" |
But, you know, other than that, EXACTLY ALIKE.
-js?!
Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
I've been waiting for The Onion to get to this.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Burdett added: Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."
Of course, I woudln't be surprised if there were people out there that actually believe something along these lines.
-js?!
I've been waiting for The Onion to get to this.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Burdett added: Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."
Of course, I woudln't be surprised if there were people out there that actually believe something along these lines.
-js?!
A note to people that screamed about “taking Christ out of Christmas” – The following did not happen.
-----
On December 25th, I watched as a crack squad of ACLU lawyers charged into my neighbor’s house. They secured the living room area quickly, taking the family by surprise. One lawyer grabbed the entire Nativity scene in both his arms and tossed them onto the front lawn. Two others grabbed the tree, while a fourth rounded up Bibles, crosses, and images of Jesus from around the house. All these were tossed onto the pile in the yard.
The whole assault took less than five minutes. The family was left stunned, sitting on the couch with a blow-up Santa Claus and their presents. The lawyers left a few pamphlets, but otherwise, the house was left in a relatively calm state. Outside, however, they doused the pile of Christian paraphernalia with kerosene, and the one who appeared to be the leader flicked a lit match onto the heap. It all went up quickly, leaving a smoldering pile of ash and melted plastic only ten minutes later. Of course, by that point, the ACLU strike squad was already onto the next house.
My wife and I watched with smug satisfaction as the American Civil Liberties Union went door-to-door smashing Jesus out of Christmas, rooting it out of every corner of America. We’re Pagans, after all. There’s no reason that any American should be practicing Christianity. It offends us to the core, after all.
-----
That’s right, folks. Millions of people still went to church on Christmas Eve. Millions went to Church on Christmas Day. No one was stopping them. Thousands of Americans had plastic Nativities on their front lawns. Live Nativities sprung up like weeds in churchyards. Everywhere around the nation, Christians openly celebrated the birth of their holiest religious figure. They gathered together and sang songs. They went about their days proclaiming “Merry Christmas” to all they saw.
Happy Holidays to everyone! You know why I say Happy Holidays to people? I’ve been saying it for years. I was saying it back when I was still a Christian. Why? Because I was wishing people a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year all in one shot. Now, I’m wishing people “Happy Any Number Of Holidays, Occurring Between December 1st And January 1st, That Every American Celebrates Unless You’re A Complete Atheist That Works In The Service Industry And You Don’t At Least Recognize The New Year.”
Because I don’t want to discriminate against holidays. If I say Merry Christmas, I’m completely ignoring Yule. If I say Happy Hanukah, I’m dissing Ramadan. If I wish someone a Pleasant Kwanzaa, I’m forgetting Saturnalia. And I certainly wouldn’t want to forget the granddaddy of all winter holidays: New Year’s. We’re talking some of the biggest celebrations around. Why would I want to leave that out? I’d rather just say Happy Holidays, and have you decide which holiday(s) you want to enjoy. I don’t have time to figure out which holiday the clerk at the local 7-11 is celebrating, so I just wish him a Happy Holidays.
I still wish my Christian friends a Merry Christmas. I also wish my Pagan friends a Merry Yule. I wish the occasional Jewish friend a Happy Hanukah, and I don’t know anyone that celebrates any of the other big ones. On New Year’s, I wish everyone a Happy New Year.
Oh, crap. I totally forgot January 12th, the Day of the Magi. And Boxing Day! You see, when I say Happy Holidays, I’m wishing you all of those and more. It’s easier for you to figure out which ones I mean than it is for me to figure out which ones you celebrate, now isn’t it? And no one gets offended.
Unless, of course, you’re the kind of person who’s offended when people don’t accommodate ever little detail of your religion.
-pb
-----
On December 25th, I watched as a crack squad of ACLU lawyers charged into my neighbor’s house. They secured the living room area quickly, taking the family by surprise. One lawyer grabbed the entire Nativity scene in both his arms and tossed them onto the front lawn. Two others grabbed the tree, while a fourth rounded up Bibles, crosses, and images of Jesus from around the house. All these were tossed onto the pile in the yard.
The whole assault took less than five minutes. The family was left stunned, sitting on the couch with a blow-up Santa Claus and their presents. The lawyers left a few pamphlets, but otherwise, the house was left in a relatively calm state. Outside, however, they doused the pile of Christian paraphernalia with kerosene, and the one who appeared to be the leader flicked a lit match onto the heap. It all went up quickly, leaving a smoldering pile of ash and melted plastic only ten minutes later. Of course, by that point, the ACLU strike squad was already onto the next house.
My wife and I watched with smug satisfaction as the American Civil Liberties Union went door-to-door smashing Jesus out of Christmas, rooting it out of every corner of America. We’re Pagans, after all. There’s no reason that any American should be practicing Christianity. It offends us to the core, after all.
-----
That’s right, folks. Millions of people still went to church on Christmas Eve. Millions went to Church on Christmas Day. No one was stopping them. Thousands of Americans had plastic Nativities on their front lawns. Live Nativities sprung up like weeds in churchyards. Everywhere around the nation, Christians openly celebrated the birth of their holiest religious figure. They gathered together and sang songs. They went about their days proclaiming “Merry Christmas” to all they saw.
Happy Holidays to everyone! You know why I say Happy Holidays to people? I’ve been saying it for years. I was saying it back when I was still a Christian. Why? Because I was wishing people a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year all in one shot. Now, I’m wishing people “Happy Any Number Of Holidays, Occurring Between December 1st And January 1st, That Every American Celebrates Unless You’re A Complete Atheist That Works In The Service Industry And You Don’t At Least Recognize The New Year.”
Because I don’t want to discriminate against holidays. If I say Merry Christmas, I’m completely ignoring Yule. If I say Happy Hanukah, I’m dissing Ramadan. If I wish someone a Pleasant Kwanzaa, I’m forgetting Saturnalia. And I certainly wouldn’t want to forget the granddaddy of all winter holidays: New Year’s. We’re talking some of the biggest celebrations around. Why would I want to leave that out? I’d rather just say Happy Holidays, and have you decide which holiday(s) you want to enjoy. I don’t have time to figure out which holiday the clerk at the local 7-11 is celebrating, so I just wish him a Happy Holidays.
I still wish my Christian friends a Merry Christmas. I also wish my Pagan friends a Merry Yule. I wish the occasional Jewish friend a Happy Hanukah, and I don’t know anyone that celebrates any of the other big ones. On New Year’s, I wish everyone a Happy New Year.
Oh, crap. I totally forgot January 12th, the Day of the Magi. And Boxing Day! You see, when I say Happy Holidays, I’m wishing you all of those and more. It’s easier for you to figure out which ones I mean than it is for me to figure out which ones you celebrate, now isn’t it? And no one gets offended.
Unless, of course, you’re the kind of person who’s offended when people don’t accommodate ever little detail of your religion.
-pb
I'm definately in that 26%.
-pb
'How Democrats
steal elections'
We all know that in a Republic like ours, a representative democracy, the individual man is a moron, and realistically shouldn't be allowed to vote. These subversive Democrats are trying to UNDERMINE AMERICA by actually COUNTING THE VOTES THAT PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY TOO STUPID TO BE CASTING IN THE FIRST PLACE.
It's time we put a stop to these treasonous people. Their 'Constitution' is a document that has bred nothing but discontent. I URGE ALL OF YOU TO RISE UP AND TAKE BACK THIS REPUBLIC. If you truly love America, you WON'T GIVE THESE GODDAMNED DEMOCRATS A VOTE TO COUNT.
-pb
steal elections'
According to Bob Haueter, who served as chief of staff for former California Assembly Minority Leader Scott Baugh, and who is an expert on manual recounts, a Democrat lawyer intimately involved in "stealing" elections from Republicans through hand recounts admitted to the process and even shared the techniques involvedOH MY GOD DEMOCRATS ARE CHEATING BY ACTUALLY COUNTING VOTES.
We all know that in a Republic like ours, a representative democracy, the individual man is a moron, and realistically shouldn't be allowed to vote. These subversive Democrats are trying to UNDERMINE AMERICA by actually COUNTING THE VOTES THAT PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY TOO STUPID TO BE CASTING IN THE FIRST PLACE.
It's time we put a stop to these treasonous people. Their 'Constitution' is a document that has bred nothing but discontent. I URGE ALL OF YOU TO RISE UP AND TAKE BACK THIS REPUBLIC. If you truly love America, you WON'T GIVE THESE GODDAMNED DEMOCRATS A VOTE TO COUNT.
-pb
- Mood:
AHH!!!! MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!! - Music:VNV Nation - Darkangel (Azrael) (KGIB Radio)
So, my boss is a diehard Republican (although he's not as conservative as I am liberal). I was playing with a can of canned air, which annoys him. When you turn one of these cans upside down, the super-cold accellerant comes out. To this, he says "Stop that! Every time you do that, you waste the accellerant!"
To which I reply: "Yeah! And it's killing the environment!"
To which he says: "I don't care about the environment, I care about..."
I cut him off with "I know you don't care about the environment. You're voting Republican."
I got a high five from another co-worker.
-pb
To which I reply: "Yeah! And it's killing the environment!"
To which he says: "I don't care about the environment, I care about..."
I cut him off with "I know you don't care about the environment. You're voting Republican."
I got a high five from another co-worker.
-pb
- Mood:
satisfied - Music:Strangeway - It's My Turn (GotBlack Radio)
- Mood: amused
- Music:Front Line Assembly - Prophecy (KGIB Radio - Shoutcast)
Found this as a comment to an article on WitchVox by Cian CuAlltha (Portland, OR), and it's just too damn funny.
-pb
Wiccan Army Drill Sargeant: OK, Fall in!Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
Wiccan Private #1: I think that tone you're using is an example of patriarchal "power over" mentality, and I feel threatened and oppressed by it.
WADS: Fine, could everyone please form ranks? Do we have consensus to stand in lines and march? OK, then....
WP#2: Wait a minute, we're standing in a square formation. It really should be a circle, don't you think?
WP#3: Why does it have to be any shape at all? And come to think of it, why do we all have to march in the same direction? My personal path emphasizes personal choice and freedom. I'm not sure I can effectively commune with nature in this kind of rigid structured environment.
WP#4: We do it this way because it's our tradition, and anybody who thinks our tradition should change isn't a real Wiccan Private. When I was inducted by Stonewolf Brasstopiary, who was inducted by Tinweasel Johnsongrass, who was the third cousin twice-removed of Gerald Gardner's auto mechanic....
WADS: Ok, fine. Everybody stand where you want, and march wherever the Goddess moves you. Ready? Left... Left... Left Right Left!!!
WP#5 Hold on! Why do you want us to start on the left foot? Are we working destructive magick? The Rede clearly states.....
-pb
- Mood: amused
- Music:Enrapture - Touch [Me] (GotBlack Radio)
- Mood: amused
- Music:KMFDM - Witness (KGIB Radio - Shoutcast)
- Mood:
METAL, BAYBEE! - Music:DIO - Rainbow in the Dark
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pbagosy- Paul Bagosy
- paul.bagosy.com
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