Well, I just can't vote for Obama now. That elitist prick prefers orange juice to coffee*!

Of course, you know what this means - Barack Obama prefers O.J., a guy who (despite a botched prosecution) brutally murdered his ex wife and her boyfriend. Instead of denouncing O.J., Obama has embraced him - nay - literally drank him up, pulp and all! First Farrakhan, and now O.J.? What's next!? This is the guy who thinks that I'm bitter because Washington has been screwing me economically for the past, oh, forever. How out of touch is he? I'm a ball of sunshine because the economy is literally shitting rainbows all over me. True story. Barack Obama - wrong on breakfast drinks that share initials with a black guy who probably knifed two people to death, wrong on the economics of rainbow turds, obviously wrong for America.

Up Next: John McCain, he's the greatest! (Even though he launched into a red-faced, profanity laden tirade while beating our intern to death because he was provided with a chair was an inch too short. Skip probably deserved it, though!)


-pb

*offer not valid in Florida, where this is probably a selling point.